07 March 2006

A Little Bit about Dreams

Here we are, many days since last post. My little cluster of blog brothers have been slowing down lately. Seasonal affective disorder? Better things to do? Dunno.

I've been happily busy. Working, learning, trying to organize a non-profit, davening to dream and dance and hope and love and give and grow, reading about Benjamin Franklin in the bathroom (that's where I read about him, not the topic I read about.)

But what, you may ask, is really on your mind? Well, I'll tell ya'. I'm thinking about how under God's blue sky I'm going to find my wife. What is it that I have to fix or do or understand or pray for or hope for?

I'm thinking about how the whole process of dating has completely changed the way I view relationships, women, the world, and myself.

I'm thinking about how I've always thought myself to be an intellectual person, and now I'm realizing I can be quite emotional, and then I'm remembering how I used to write love poems before the scary social realities of adolescence squashed all of that out of me, and now it's coming back to blossom.

I'm thinking about those scary social realities, and how they taught me about cruelty, and how only now am I realizing that women can be caring and open and honest and loving and playful and all that, and that the cruelty I met was the cruelty of adolescent girls and not of women (of the cruelty of women, let us not speak.)

I'm thinking of hope - of dreams - of connecting with potential realities and talking to God about it and having God smile and nod and get a little bit of joy every time there's a little bit more light and sweetness in your dreams for the future.

Dream on.

I'm so thankful for this progress and process. I can see how I am the person that I am, and have the dreams and depth and potential for love that I do, because of all this effort. Don't let me get away without admitting that I have more work to do - in being present, in caring, in sacrificing, and in ways I've yet to concieve.

But let me tell you the truth - I'm scared that it's just going to shlep on forever. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be cooking for myself for the rest of my life (I'd rather cook for someone else.) I want to be there for somebody. I want someone who cares about me. I want to raise a whole mess of kids.

So this is clarifying my dreams.

Good deal.

Are they clear enough yet?

God?

Are they clear enough?



6 comments:

Shoshana said...

I think it's beautiful that you still dare to dream. I think many stop, because it gets too hard to hold onto dreams when it takes a long time to have them fufilled. I hope your dreams come true (and they are even better in real life than in imagination) very soon.

'laizer said...

Amen!

And may the one who blesses be blessed...

Shoshana said...

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

WanderingStu said...

oy-- Laizer--- how do we keep those dreams strong when it gets so exhausting to dream?? Wanderingstu is on yet another adventure, and he really dunno where it will lead him. Well, eventually back to the hills, but before that--- trying to get back to the land of dreams, like you said.

'laizer said...

Stu, man - I love for you to hope and dream. I'll pray for 'em and pay for 'em and listen to 'em and read about 'em and encourage 'em, and all of all of that. And I promise you that the master of dreams loves your dreams, man. Loves 'em.

Kalman Rushdie said...

Sorry, I've fallen behind a bit on my blog reading. Fascinating post on so many levels. But what I want to know is, what's this nonprofit you're working on?

I hope it's what I think it is, 'cause Jerusalem could use a bit more of that.